Subtlety Is Lost When the Other Person Hates Metaphors
by RiddlePanda
Summary: "I fucking suck at subtlety, don't I?" "Yeah Craig...you do." Craig and Tweek stopped pretending to be gay the week before their Freshman year started.


Craig and Tweek stopped pretending to be gay the week before their Freshman year started.

To be honest, it had been something Craig had wanted to do since well beyond into their 7th grade year, when puberty had hit both him and Tweek full force. Craig had always been taller than the other boys in his grade and the resulting growth spurt he received cemented the fact he'd be the tallest guy. And then Tweek just _**HAD**_ to prove all the scientific studies wrong and gain the needed inches to be just **_ONE_** inch shorter than the noirette. And with Tweek's damn wild mass of hair, it easily added another two inches.

And for some reason, the girls in South Park Middle School utterly **_ADORED_** taller guys. There wasn't a week that went by that at least one girl would try to ask Craig out, only for him to casually remind her that him and Tweek were together.

It was the same rinse and repeat scenario every week for the rest of 7th grade and the entirety of 8th grade. Girl would ask him out, he rejected them, and they'd walk off smirking and giggling. It was getting pretty old pretty fast and Craig was getting very tired of it, **_ESPECIALLY_** when they did it in front of Tweek.

Their friends didn't help either, especially when there was at least one occurrence each time they hung out that someone would say that the two didn't have to "do the gay relationship stuff around us because we know it's fake" routine. Craig would always look away so he didn't accidentally see the hurt look that momentarily shot across the blond's face as they moved slightly away from each other.

Craig tried to push down the fact that he finally began to realize Tweek saw him more than a friend. He tried to pretend that maybe the girls would suddenly just stop their relentless pursuit of him. He tried to pretend that he didn't witness Tweek retreat more into his shell when their friends called them out.

It had to stop. All of it. For both of their mental health.

Craig was resolved that night to tell Tweek they needed to end their fake relationship before they got into high school. It would just be a whole lot easier for everyone, especially them.

* * *

Tweek was spending the night that night, Craig's parents and sister off to visit his grandmother, so the two had the entire house to themselves.

Craig had walked in his room, holding a mug of coffee (the way Tweek liked it) and a mug of tea laden with honey for himself and smiled softly as he watched the blond trying to break up the mock fight between Honey and Mocha, the two guinea pig sisters Craig had got after Stripe had died. The two both wanted to play with the piece of paper Tweek had crumpled up and threw at them and the blond laughed as the sisters kept stealing the paper from the other.

Craig sat down next to Tweek and stretched his legs on the floor, handing Tweek his drink.

"Tweek…"

The blond looked up from his coffee and furrowed his eyebrows as he saw the overly sincere look on Craig's face. "What's wrong dude?"

Craig sighed as he tried to look anywhere except at Tweek. "Tweek, I've…been thinking. I think…we should stop pretending to be gay and stop our fake relationship."

The room grew silent, not even Honey and Mocha were making their normal whistling sounds.

The two boys silently sat there, respectively sipping their drinks before they grew cold.

"Okay Craig."

Craig closed his eyes as he sat down his mug. "I was just so tired of it Tweek. Every fucking week was girl after girl thinking I would just drop everything to be with them. I especially hated the ones that did it when you were right fucking there. And then our damn friends not even thinking they might be hurting our feelings, pretend relationship or not. I _**LIKE**_ fucking holding your hand dude! You're calmer when we're together and you help me from listening to that destructive voice in my head and getting in trouble."

Tweek whipped his head to the side to look at the noirette. "Wait… What!? I thought you just said you wanted us to end our fake relationship and now you're talking about my feelings and you enjoy holding my hand. Like…what?! Am I missing something?"

Craig looked at the blond as he realized what he had told Tweek and immediately put his head in his hands and groaned. "I fucking suck at subtlety, don't I?."

Tweek shook his head and went back to drinking his coffee, glancing back to look at Craig having a mini breakdown. "Yeah Craig...you do. Dude, just say what you want to fucking say to me. I'm not a girl, I don't go for that deep hidden meaning bullshit. You know that. Dad fucked me up on that damn metaphor crap in elementary."

The noirette lifted his head to look at the blond and sighed. "Fine Tweek. I don't want to pretend to be gay and in a fake relationship with you anymore. I WANT to be gay and in a real relationship with you. I've had fucking feelings for you since 7th grade and I've finally realized that you feel the same way and what all the girls that ask me out are doing is just pissing me off. And our friends can fucking suck my dick if they tell us one more goddamn time to quit snuggling up with each other. Happy now?"

"They can't suck your dick. That's reserved for me when we get to that point."

Tweek smirked as Craig looked at him wide-eyed. "Hey, I may be a good influence on you but we can definitely agree on you being a bad influence on me. So…I guess goodbye fake relationship and hello real one. How should we celebrate?"

Craig grabbed at Tweek's hand on the floor and squeezed. "Well, there's always that magical first kiss."

"Put our daughters up first. They don't need to see our PDA. It might scar them."

Craig was definitely glad his family wasn't home since his ensuing laugh probably was loud enough to wake the dead.

* * *

Despite evolving their relationship, there was always that occasional person that hadn't seemed to get the memo. It didn't help the fact that both teens had ultimately decided to **_NOT_** tell anyone of the shift in their relationship and see exactly how long it took for people to realize. "Social experiment" as Tweek had called it when Craig's sister Ruby finally put the pieces together.

Craig was surprised it took until their Senior year for someone to finally call out how the whole gay relationship with Tweek had started, way back in the "4th Grade Yaoi Incident" with the Asian girls. Most girls would stop asking the noirette out after one or two times, but a girl that had moved to South Park their Sophomore year just couldn't put two and two together.

Allison/Abby/Angel/whatever the fuck A name she started with had put her hands on her hips as she huffed at Craig. "I just want one date Craig! One! You're like one of the hottest guys in school!"

Craig rolled his eyes as he stood up to join Tweek to walk out of the lunchroom. "I've told you already. I'm with Tweek."

"No you're not! I know all about what happened when you were in 4th grade after Wendy and Bebe told me! Everyone knows you were both pushed into it and you're just fake dating. Why it went so long is because you two didn't know when to quit. You can stop pretending to be gay and in this fake relationship any time, you know!"

Both teens turned around and looked at each other, smirking. Craig grabbed Tweek by his waist and dipped the slender blond down to deliver a passionate kiss in front of the entire student body while Tweek grabbed Craig's ass and squeezed.

After the _**VERY**_ public display of affection, Craig grabbed Tweek's hand and chuckled, using his free hand to flip the girl off. "We actually stopped pretending to be gay and in a fake relationship the week before our Freshman year."

The two calmly walked out, hand in hand, as they listened to the sounds of their classmates calling out bets, Clyde loudly telling Token he owed him a hundred bucks.


End file.
